Is it just me? Or is there not enough mother-daughter media?

For years, I grew up thinking my favorite comfort movies were just nostalgic for my childhood, but as I got older I realized they all correlate to my daddy issues. It seems like the common denominator between Gen Z and Millennials is that there was an EPIDEMIC of shitty fathers.

For me, I grew up in a divorced household, meaning I lived full-time with my mom and saw my dad whenever he was willing and available. Growing up, my favorite, comfort films were Princess Diaries, The Parent Trap, and What A Girl Wants. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I saw the pattern – they are all about estranged father-daughter relationships that end in a rekindling of some sort. Meanwhile, I only rarely interacted with my dad.

When I was young and he was around, I was definitely a daddy’s girl – we would play for hours on the playground. He would make me feel safe by picking me up and holding me. Then, it all sort of changed after his long-term girlfriend tragically passed away in a car accident. My father was so broken that it took him years to see me or my brother again. He was distant and our relationship was never the same. It finally dawned on me as I grew older that I must have watched these films because they were what I yearned for, to rekindle my relationship with my father.

Revisiting these films as a grown-up, it seems like we were fed a constant diet of male praise. It might sound a little dramatic, but whether it’s a father-daughter relationship or the countless amount of rom-coms, they gave us unrealistic expectations of men in relationships. I can’t help but think about the Adam Sandler movie Bedtime Stories. In it, he takes in these kids and by the end, falls in love with caring for them – so the audience is giving that verbal “Aww ” at the screen. There are so many of THOSE movies, where we melt over a man being decent or a girl finally getting the daddy-daughter relationship she’s been searching for. But what if these sappy movies were only my favorite because of a LACK of mother-daughter media available to me as a kid?

Not only did I grow up with a single mom, but my mom was my best friend. She was the one I would confide in, the one I went to for comfort, and the person who taught me to enjoy every moment of my life. My mom never liked the idea of being my friend. She made it very clear to me that she was my mom and that her role was to care for and protect me. She’d say “I’m not your friend, I’m your mom.” But I knew we had a special connection because I grew up in a very loving family. Physical touch is one of my top love languages because my mom was incredibly nurturing, always cuddling up on the couch with me or giving hugs and kisses. We even developed the same interests and hobbies, like coffee, shopping, fashion, and anything creative. Now, it occurs to me that I don’t see a lot of that strong mother-daughter relationship depicted in the media, which can sort of feel isolating.

There have been a few. One Day at a Time is an underrated and lesser-known show about mother-daughter relationships. It follows a Cuban-American family in Echo Park (Los Angeles). Focusing on Justina Machado’s character, Penelope Alvarez, as she struggles to keep things together as a single mom and Army veteran suffering from PTSD. The Alvarez family has a typical, Latinx, multi-generational home with their abuela, played by Rita Moreno, living with them. The show also touches on topics like immigration, sexism, homophobia, and gender identity. Unfortunately, like most Latinx shows in America, it was canceled early despite its quick cult following.

Movie-wise, when I think of mother-daughter relationships, they’re mostly about mothers and daughters NOT getting along. This goes along with the “girls are bitchy” trope. And these movies usually aren’t even centering the teenage years where that predominantly happens! There’s Bad Moms, where they have poor relationships with their moms and then pass it down to their kids, until the end. Or Pixar’s Brave, where the central conflict is the mother and daughter arguing. And, regardless, both of those movies are NEWER movies.

And of course, the biggest exception is cult classic, Gilmore Girls. To be honest, I’m worried I won’t be able to relate given the apparent white-ness… but I’ll give it a try this Mother’s Day and hope to be happily surprised. One of the lead actresses, Alexis Bledel is actually of Mexican and Argentinian descent after all. We certainly need more depictions of mothers and daughters, where their connection (not their conflict) is the central takeaway.