It seems my whole life is supposed to be centered around finding “the one.” Growing up on telenovelas, I knew that the sole purpose of the story was for the female and male protagonists (because it was always a straight couple) to end up together. Disney movies back then were no different – too many iconic princesses, whether it’s Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, are waiting to be kissed by a prince. These stories teach us that a woman is only fulfilled once partnered. But this script around finding love isn’t benefiting women, because unlike the storybooks, life doesn’t end at marriage.

At 35, I am well aware of that “ticking clock.” I’ve heard all about how my fertility rate is declining, so I’d better decide whether I want kids before the timer runs out. Thankfully, today, there are many ways to have children if I want them. I can freeze my eggs or find a surrogate, but the stress and pressure of a pending deadline are no less real.

The telenovela love script still preaches that women need to find a man, even if you don’t need him for anything else – after all, we can get a job, a bank account, credit cards, mortgages, etc. all on our own now, even if our grandmothers couldn’t.

And the pressure to find the one is not only on television, it’s in our society, in our own families. My abuelita, for example, wants me to marry every man I go on a date with. She says I always have excuses to discard them. “This one was too boring, that one too short, why does it matter?” She will ask me. The point is to wed.

No one wants to be a spinster. As Shakira joked in her Pies Descalzos, Sueños Blancos, “Las mujeres se casan siempre antes de 30, si no vestirán santos.” It’s true that new generations have changed perspectives. Today, men and women get married later in life – 32 is the average age, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. But whether there is a ring involved or not, we are still pressured to find a love life. Well, here I am, childfree and single, all while my friends are pregnant with a third child and have a house to their name.

It’s not that I’m cynical – I simply find galloping towards that great goal of finding “the one” a cliché. There is more than one, and finding them is not the end of a great storyline. We reinvent ourselves time and again.

Before anyone says that those times have changed, that we’re much more comfortable being single today, look at the resurgence of the tradwife trend. The extreme right has successfully romanticized the role of the housewife. Getting married and dedicating yourself to domestic life is cool again – but it never really left.

Centering our lives around finding romantic love has been on-trend for a long time even if it leaves women waiting to be picked. Tradwife content is advising us to change ourselves up to snag a provider, even (or particularly!) if that means “submitting” to men. In this line of regressive thinking, having a family is the sole purpose of a woman’s life. But women do not owe anybody any babies, no matter how many cry out about the decline in birth rates.

It’s natural to want to be alongside another, we’re social beings after all. To be in love can be a wonderful feeling, but it can also be fleeting. Sometimes it’s unrequited, and sometimes, though real, it can become stale and lose its spark.

How many married couples do we know that are hanging by a thread or only together for the kids? How many are unhappy about the monotony of their partnership? How many are stuck in unhealthy or abusive dynamics? No, I do not think that finding one will define my success.

This script that romantic love will solve all our problems is a patriarchal fantasy, and demeans the legitimate status of single women. We don’t all want the same things or choose the same paths, and we shouldn’t be shamed for not falling in line to check some societal achievement box. Congratulations, you finally found “the one,” but guess what? All your other issues are still there.

I am capable of loving, and I welcome being loved in return. But looking for my “media naranja” signifies I’m incomplete. You should not expect that a partner will give your life purpose or lose sleep because you can’t find a suitable Hinge date. There’s still magic in a sweet kiss, but it’s not a grand finale – life goes on. And there’s plenty of other joys to strive for.