I can’t tell you the first time that I watched professional wrestling on television. I know I was very young, and I’m pretty sure I watched it while sitting on the floor, using a step stool as a table to hold up my continuously dropping jaw. What I do remember is that Hulk Hogan (Terry Gene Bollea) was my favorite, and like most kids at the time, I listened to his constant promos, reminding me to take my Flintstone vitamins, say my prayers, and believe in myself. I had Hulkamaniacs gear, toys, and a Stretch Armstrong Hulk Hogan that I took to the limits until it oozed some oily substance that I still can not readily identify. I was more than a fan, I was a believer, and even when Hogan went Hollywood for NWO, I was still elbow deep in my love for wrestling and the man who got me addicted.

I continued to watch WWF turn into WWE and acquire WCW. Hell, I even watched TNA. My joy for wrestling turned into crushes when I got to that age too (don’t get me started on Kevin Nash and Triple H). Eventually, my love for wrestling dwindled as I got older and responsibilities became the norm.

Hogan had faded from my attention until he decided to support Donald Trump. I gasped, my eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I was left feeling confused. How was the man and the character going in this direction? So then I was stuck asking the question we discussed in art school pretty consistently: can you separate the art from the artist? In the new Netflix doc, Hulk Hogan: Real American, I finally got the answer to that question when it comes to Terry, and the answer is a resounding, absolutely not.

At some point, Terry became Hogan and Hogan became Terry, and they both became a legend, sneering viciously at fans and foes alike. Terry was human, and humans are strange things. He, of course, is allowed his own thoughts, concerns, opinions, and ideas, but when the name and character get so big, what is your responsibility to the masses that have kept you working for over 40 years?

I learned that Hogan didn’t just get injured either – he needed 11 back surgeries. Not that I’m surprised. Wrestling is brutal on the body, and he kept going for so long, making him seem immortal and not truly human.

I cried a few times watching this doc. How could I not? There’s still a child inside me that is heartbroken. But then something interesting happened. Terry plays a voicemail by President Trump where the current orange menace reminds him of what a “winner” he is, and Terry’s face lights up. In that moment, I realized that all Hogan really wanted, all that Trump and most Trump followers really want as well, is to be seen as winners. To be applauded. To maintain an amount of the limelight that is difficult to walk away from.

Hogan even discusses this dynamic in the documentary, sharing that fame is a far more dangerous and addictive drug than anything else on the market – even the steroids he did for years and denied, but then admitted to (insert facepalm here). When Terry and Hogan melded together, when they fused permanently, was that the end of his ability to live without the sound of a screaming crowd and the zoom of a carefully placed camera?

Unequivocally, Hogan left behind a legacy. But was he a great person? Not so much. The sad part about the doc, the part that sticks with me, is that we’re clearly still missing so many of Terry’s layers. He recently passed, and of course, it would be difficult to strip back everything and show more of what he was. It’s too soon. Too real.

What I do know is this: Hulk Hogan, Terry Gene Bollea, and Hollywood Hogan will remain legendary to professional wrestling for all time. What I also know is that the new doc didn’t show us all of the story. Instead, it continues the myth that Hogan is larger than life – instead of fully realizing his humanity. That’d mean exploring his fears, anger, the pain he caused others, the hate he had, and the logic behind his values.

I’m still left wondering who he really was, and we may never know that. Maybe we don’t really need to either. But for a man who spent his entire adult life in the spotlight, it sure would be nice to know who we keep exalting and if it’s even worth it, brother.